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Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Life: Mid-Stream

I've been married for just over one year now. Our relationship started long distance, having met while I was at a conference out of my home state. I worked in the group insurance industry with none other than my Mom. We had worked together for ten years throughout our home state of Texas. Our primary job was enrollment in school districts and municipalities. We were close and enjoyed being around one another in our off time as well. Then I met Anthony. I was 38 years old, and embarking on my life mid stream. We dated long distance, and our time together was more like a vacation as I look back on it now.
We traded time in each of our home states, and after a while we decided that my moving to Maryland would be best since Anthony owned a business. I figured that I loved the guy and should give it a chance. It was hard leaving my career, family, identity and southern ways behind. After 6 months I thought I might be able to get through the changes of lifestyle, career, and identity. Then my grandfather became ill and it was clear that I needed to go back home to see him. Anthony booked a flight for both of us and off we went to Texas. As we landed and went to baggage pick-up at San Antonio International, I looked over at the elevator doors as they opened and saw my Mother's familiar sweet smile. What had been an obvious change was her weight. She seemed so thin, and at that moment I thought that her father's illness must have hurt her more than she let on when we spoke on the phone so many times. We gathered our luggage and began to walk to the car. My mother leaned in so that she could hug me close and tell me the news: "Your pappa passed away early this morning. It is better that you didn't see him in the condition he was in. I'm so sorry."
I began to cry, and Mom wept also as we held onto each other. My grandfather was an incredible man. He and my grandmother had been married 64 years, and had made that 64th mark only a few days before he died. He fought in WW2 and liberated one of the nazi war camps and also fought in the battle of the bulge. He had a total of 12 siblings, with 3 others having fought in the same war. Each and every sibling returned home after the war to my great grandmother's complete joy. When he returned home, he was able to meet his first child (and my mother) as she was nearly 14 months old. My grandfather was a larger-than-life person who any man would aspire to be. He was a fantastic grandfather, with a really fun and wicked sense of humor.
His death was felt deeply by all of us. I am only so happy that he was able to live out 86 years on this planet.
But as he lay very near death, my Mother was sick also. She was not sure of the extent of her sickness but knew that it was not going to be something an antibiotic would easily cure. She had been going to the Doctor for some time complaining of chest pain, with wheezing and bronchitis type symptoms. After some time had gone by and the antibiotics weren't working, she went back and the doctor decided to exam her via a chest x-ray. The x-ray immediately showed some troubling things. Her chest was almost not visible as a blob of white took over her chest cavity. The doctor ordered a biopsy and blood draw that same day that her father was so close to death. Later that day my mother had the biopsy done and went immediately to her daddy's side as he was dying. She decided to keep the possible news from all of us so that the concentration could be focused on getting my grandmother through losing her spouse of 64 years. Just after my grandfather's death and my arrival to Texas, my mother was called with the news.
She was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma. It was everywhere save her bones and brain. She was given 4-6 weeks to live without chemotherapy. Eight months to one year with chemotherapy to aleviate the growing tumor choking her throat area. She actually held that news for the desire to help her mother get through the first loss. I look back now and cannot imagine the strength it must have took for my mother to not burst into a fit of tears for the fear of her own death due to cancer.
None of us had any clue to this happening except her husband. We got through my grandfather's memorial trying to keep my grandmother strong. My Mom asked that my brother and I come over to her house later that evening. We thought nothing of it because I was scheduled to leave out the next morning to my new home state. We gathered at her house. My mother insisted on family pictures in front of the fireplace. We obliged although we were still getting over the days sad events.
Then she sat us all down. She told us the news.
I don't know if anyone can relate to this but my world actually lost all the colors that night. I went to black and white for a long time. That evening was the last time I ever saw my mother looking as healthy as she could. She had to endure three very strong treatments of chemotherapy, and it very nearly killed her from having had a bad reaction to the high levels of chemicals needed to keep her from choking to death in a short amount of time.
Many hopsital visits later, she was home to wait out her passing. She tried to keep a strong face and she did so damn well. She amazed me. I cuddled her, took her for chemo treatments, bathed her, fed her, told her way too much how much I loved her, and then watched the only person I ever felt such a deep connection with die on a Saturday, three months beyond the diagnosis. My grandmother, brother, great aunts and step father were there as the pastor stood by crying and praying. The pastor siad that he had never seen such a loving family.....
I helped my step dad plan the memorial for my sweet mom. We wrote out the obituary. Got the flowers, the singer and the photos all put together to celebrate the life of my mom. She had so many people at her service. It was as if a local celebrity had passed, and to us family, she was our celebrity. She had such a loving heart for others. If anyone voiced a need or concern in front of her, they could consider it taken care of by my mom. She would have less so that others could have more.
After the service and several days of my having taken care of all the legal needs, I boxed up the precious items that my mother wanted me to have, and embarked on my flight back to my new home state. When I got "home", I also had another change that should be a happy event to go through. During the time of my mother's illness, my fiance and I were having our "dream" home built. The home was completed and ready for furniture to be moved in just two days before my mother died. We returned to a home that I was seeing for one of the first times, and it was extra painful because my Mom never got to see it.

I don't know how I got through that time, save the faith in the Lord I had. There were so many times that I cried myself to sleep, to work, the drive home from work, et cetera. I begged the Lord to help heal my heart. Then it happened. The Lord answered and came into my heart. The grateful heart that I had had prior to all of the changes returned.
Each day I wake up and have made it a habit to thank the good Lord for all that is. I choose to not sit this one out. I will honor the life my Mother gave me by sharing a bringing joy, love and peace to all that I come across.
It has been a tough road but I hope to impress upon any reader that no matter what the circumstances, all things can be handled when we lean on our father, the Lord Jesus Christ.